WTF SJP ?!

Sarah Jessica Parker should be ashamed of her latest "charity act". Actually, if I were her I wouldn't leave home for a month or two just to make sure I wasn't attacked by a Sex and the City crazy fan or a charity activist. (I am sure there are some)
It starts today, the Gotta Have Rock and Roll’s Rock & Pop Culture Auction 2013 where a bunch of celebrities have donated shoes to raise funds for the LaGuardia High School for Music, Art and the Performing Arts in New York. To this benefit little Sarah generously donated three signed pairs which were worn on the set of Sex in the City as Carrie Bradshaw. Okay, you can tell me "oh no no no, she's the best, she donated 3 pairs when everybody else donated one". The thing is: along those 6 seasons (which I'm so grateful for) and the two movies (which I secretly wish they had never happened) she brought to her personal collection hundreds of shoes! And the best she can do is a pair of Prada Serious Uglyiness peep toe heels, a pair of Dolce Vita Everyone Can Afford black pumps, AND a pair of Average Jonathan Kelsey strappy sandals so outdated as his website, in which the last collection you'll find there dates back to Winter 2010!!! Whatta Fuck?! And as far as I'm concerned , the only Dolce I know, is followed by a Gabbana.
I couldn't even found the courage to post pictures of them to illustrate my post, so ugly they are! Hello Magazine itself wrote about this publishing fabulous pictures of the series avoiding the ones of the actual shoes! Google them and you'll see what I'm talking about.
By this I'm not saying she would get rid of, excuse me, DOnate the iconic silver Manolos stolen at that fateful baby-shower, or the Choos that were stolen from her feet in the Street of Nowhere corner to I'm So Lost Avenue. Or even the perfect blue Manolos with what Mr. Big proposed to her. God forbid. No. I'm just saying that she wasn't really elegant, or thoughtful when she picked those styles. Something stylish, timeless, would raise much much more money for the cause, I'm sure, and the Sex and the City fans wouldn't be felling insulted. As I am. Right now. There you go. I said it.

BONJOUR LOUISE!

BONJOUR LOUISE! by manuelamarques

 The art of being gracious is some how forgotten in an high brand pair of jeans and a Vuitton bag. When the hell it started to be okay to carry this two items to any type of event regardless the purpose.

Adjectives like casual, effortless are often mistaken as a free pass to just don't give a shit. Or may be they do, but God forgive them, they don't know any better. This lack of commitment to etiquette I believe it started at Avenue Soccer Player Wife corner to  Pop Singer Gone Bad Square. A mix between "I can do whatever I want" and "I've got so much money and don't know what to do with it" completely ruined the ceremony around dressing up to an event. Any type of event. whether is going to the theater with your gals or going to a trendy gallery opening.

I long for the days when women will start to give a shit again and return, not the the Hollywood  30's glamor, but to a proper "I do appreciate all the opportunities the Universe gives me to brush my hair properly and put on a dress". And if your very very out-there, you'll where a fabulous pair or Pitanga earrings :) no publicity was intended LOL. 

EARRINGS ARE A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND

EARRINGS ARE A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND by manuelamarques

 So, this is the time for new beginnings. For new adventures. For what I call take life by the balls.

As some might know, a few months ago I was forced to close the space where I had worked for 7 years. I imagined it, I designed it, I built it, I made it my second home. In some occasions it was my "just home"... I laughed there, I cried there, I had successes and failures there. It was more then a work space, those walls have witnessed myself happy, in love, disappointed, heartbroken, in love again, and they trembled with me while I was peeing to a stick. It was positive :)

These moments are not in the past, they are in me. They made me who I am. And this is what I am today. A new atelier, a new project, a new beginning... but with the same you all learned to love "Pitanga vibe"! Hope you still love it the way you used to, or more... Welcome to the new me!

WWW.PITANGA.PT

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO BE OKAY?

The moments that define you in life are usually the most painful. A disappointment, a failure, a loss, a silence, an absence... All these things combined, could most likely create an all new concept of pain and a new word must be born to describe it. The ones who survive such devastation, are also the ones who, slowly, clean the rail of sorrows and transform the sadness into newborn joy. That's quite a challenge and quite a win if you make it without becoming bitter. I even dare to say you are a winner. A fighter!
I myself consider myself a fighter. A good one. But how winner are you if the time you take to heal turns into unacceptable?
The ancient people took decades, even centuries to conquer land and entire cultures, and they seemed okay about it. Even my mom says "one battle at a time my dear". But I'm an impatient being, and for more than three years now I'm impatiently waiting to rebirth from the ashes. And as I win one more battle (and realize it's not the end of it) I can´t help but wonder: when is it okay to be okay?
The more I think about it, the more I get the feeling that sometimes you just need to stop fighting. Because maybe you'll never get to that point you think it's the best for you. And all I've learned is that there's no shame in admitting you're tired. And sometimes it's fine to allow yourself to be okay even if you're not quite there. Maybe I'll never be that person again. People change. And with some luck, for the best.
Never settle for less than you aim for you. But once in a while, give yourself a brake. If you're the fighter kind, you do well deserve it ;)

POINT OF VIEW

(view from home)

One of these mornings, I went to my terrace to light up a very early morning cigarette. It's becoming a shameful habit of mine, which soon, needs to be fixed. So stressed out, so absorbed with my stupid problems that I end up facing the glass of the door and turning my back to one of the greatest things I have in my life. You see, I have "the" view of Lisbon. The old river, the bridges caressing it, the aged town diving in it... Unfuckinbelievable! And I witness all from above. Veeeery above.
And there I was, having a smoke, and taking it for granted. "Landscape has no owner". I get that. But I'm sorry. This one is mine. It has been my confident and companion for several years now, and that day it became an eye opener too. While I was stressing about shit, and smoking like a maniac, I saw through the reflection of the glass door, the most beautiful, poetic, almost illegal scenery I forgot that existed. How can I've been turning my back to all the magic things I have in life??? Yes, three question marks are mandatory. We're all so absorbed with mundane stuff that we keep missing the point. The point of life. Which is: living! Quite basic right? But we insist on forgetting.
So next time you're neglecting the good stuff like I was/probably still am, do me a favor, will you? Don't. It's a waste of life. (It's only my point of view :)

STOP AND SMELL THE COOKIES

Gabriel's Lemon Cookies

Shitty day. Unfortunately they've become a regular. But some of us, the fortunate ones, have cute little things to come home to and make it all better. Mine happens to smell insanely good, with an extra: today I got home to find my baby's hair smelling like chocolate cake. Yes. Yummy, freshly baked, luscious chocolate fudge cupcakes.
Every single day we wake up (or he) at 7 a.m., 8 a.m. (it doesn't matter if it's still dark outside), and little Gabriel goes to the kitchen, grabs a few essential baking supplies and looks at me and says: "CAKE". Clear and effective. And as much as I try to pretend I don't get it, he reluctantly keeps repeating it (and believe me, it can go on for an hour), until he brakes me and together, we start our daily task of making our home smell like a french pâtisserie, mais bien sûr :-)
Today, it was chocolate cupcakes, like I said it earlier, and that's why his golden angelic hair had the aroma of chocolate cake straight out of the oven. Mix with is natural sense. Heavenly! Needless to say that I couldn't wash his hair when I bathe him latter on. Hopefully I saved some to sniff tomorrow morning:)

Of course after baking several days in a row, I've extended our repertoire and we now have some hits. One of the crowd's pleaser is our own recipe of lemon cookies. So, after persistent requests for our top secret recipe, there you have! Enjoy.

- 125g butter (room temperature)
- 90g sugar
- 1 egg yolk
- zest of one good lemon
- 180g sifted all-purpose flour
- 1/4 tea spoon salt
- love and patience to wipe up the mess afterwords :)

Preheat the oven to 170º C. In a medium bowl, mix together butter, sugar, egg yolk and zest of the good lemon you bought in your local market. Gradually blend in the sifted flour and go dirty and use your hands. At this point your kid is already covered in cookie dough and started to eat it raw. Perfect! Turn the dough out onto a floured surface. Roll out and cut it into any shape you like. you can also go crazy with some sprinkles if you have it around. Spread them onto a tray with a baking sheet. Bake it for 15 minutes or so. Better keep watching :) Delicious, pure yumminess, and the best time with you kid:) Happy Days!

GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN :)

GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN :) by manuelamarques

STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES

ACNE dress, CHARLOTTE OLYMPIA sandals, SONDRA ROBERTS clutch, ASTLEY CLARKE hearings and GUCCI sunglasses.

I miss those times when life was easier and a new pair of shoes and a cupcake were my idea of happiness. Don't get me wrong. We all have to grow up. Eventually. But there comes a time in a woman's life when you just wish you could turn into a little girl again and run into your mom's harms to make it all okay...

I've been completely absorbed with work, in a bad way, and the funny thing is: work, used to be my sanctuary. I love what I do and through the last decade, I've experienced a reasonable amount of achievements and fulfilling moments. I've learned a lot, I've lost, I've won, I've gained experience, and all of that because I never stopped trying. Trying to be better than I ever expected to be! Yes. I'm my worst competitor. But lately I feel like I've lost my mojo. I've been questioning myself. A lot. And it's killing me! I used to be so sure about all my decisions at work and now, I feel like a beginner.

If it's true you harvest what you plant, how many wrong choices and mistakes a person can make, to be left with nothing but a huge pain in the ass?

There's so little moments in life when you experience true happiness, "you complete me", "it's a boy", "you're dad doesn't have cancer anymore" or even "you've got an one page interview on Vogue's next issue". Depending on your expectations, an exquisite desert alone can leave a strong mark on your left temporal lobe, where joy lives. So if those little moments are so rare, we definitely should be smart enough to save them sharped in your memory to use them as much needed comfort through troubled times.
So that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm using the little big things in my life to belittle the fucking world crisis. No I haven't found the Holy Grail, but I believe there's a time in a gal's life when you just need to stop and smell the roses. After all, they've been in your garden all along. We are just to busy to appreciate them :)

LET'S GROW OLD TOGETHER AND DIE AT THE SAME TIME

Carl and Elli, UP - Disney Pixar

We didn't have an idyllic beginning... if I recall, I wasn't very fond of you :P But one day, we happened to be at the same place, at the same time, without having nothing better to do. And we kissed. (pause) It was one of the few times that I appreciated the Universe for showing me that I was wrong. (and you know, I'm always right). People say that you know everything on the first kiss. All I knew, was that I would never be the same person again. Well, I would still be myself, but completed.

It's funny how most of the time people and common sense are right. On our very first, and long kiss, I knew that you would be the grand father of my grand children. Just like that! One minute I hated you, the other minute you had overwhelmed my world. And it has been like that ever since. Thirteen years today... one year of marriage... one cute little baby who has you, written allover him. Could I have been more blessed? I guess not. I found in a very early age what most people are looking for their entire lives.
So, I know I've already proposed to you, here, if you do remember, but I have another proposal for you: Will you hold my heart and keep it safe, because I can't bare the weight of the love I feel for both of you, my angels?

happy birthday my beloved

PITANGA GIVEAWAY :)

Awesome Giveaway hosted by PITANGA.COM.PT where we can win a fabulous By Malene Birger bag! Click on the image to participate or go to PITANGA FACEBOOK PAGE!
May the best win! or the luckiest one in this case :P

BIRD CAGE

Giuseppe Zanotti Sandal and By Malene Birger Bag. All available with discounts at PITANGA.COM.PT

Four months ago I became a mom, and ever since I feel like I'm in a bird cage. I'm not saying I'm gonna loose my freedom forever, but these little birds are quite a lot like those pigeons you have under your window and can't get them to shush! Eeeeevery time with their little beaks open, relentlessly. God forbid, I love my kid to death, but a few days ago I caught myself leaving the house with little Gabriel crying, with what it seams to be a bathrobe, disheveled, and with visible hairy legs that could haunt for life the dreams of anyone who passed by. And with my sunnies on, just in case I ran into someone I know. Just to make him shush!!!!! When the hell did I become so sloppy? Oh - wait - since I became a mom! That's right! Everything I've criticized motherhood about, it's happening.

Bit by bit I manage to take a bath everyday, brush my teeth, little conquests that remind me I'm still a human being after all, and that even though I'm a doll, I smell too :) I even went to the hairdresser this week! Ha?! Getting fancy again!

So next week, my cute adorable son is going to stay with the nanny for the first time. I'm terrified he's going to like her more than he loves me, I confess. But I really need a break and if I don't have some time to myself and if I don't go to work muy pronto I'll go insane! It's been a month since I've blogged for the last time and I have quite a big list of things I don't remenber the last time I've done them. I'm starting to loosing it! This is a time to adjust, so I've heard, but does anyone have a fast forward button?

MY LANVIN AFFAIR CONTINUES... I THINK IT'S GETTING SERIOUS :)

THE JOY IN MY LIFE

Editorial: Valerya by Amber Gray for Brides December 2010

It was a week day, drinks and dinner with a friend of mine, to finally meet the very good friend of hers, Joy. It was love at first sight. I instantly knew that I had to steal her from her! (which I did).

Funny thing, in all the people I love, I never had a good first impression when I met them. Actually, it is very hard to get under my skin in the beginning, But when it does... but with Joy it wasn't like that. That's how pure she is :)

The next morning I got to wonder, a good friend always appears when you least expect, like love. And although friendship represents for me a very restricted club, there's always a warm spot for one more. She is a "terrific" human being (she likes that word, go figure!), so positive and a wonderful friend since day one. Actually she's beyond any description. I really think of her like a sister, my blood, because when you care the way she does for someone, that tops the level of friendship and becomes family. And she's my family in Lisbon, as I like to think I'm hers too. We both live far away from our families. Sometimes, I'm afraid I'm not up for the level of love she emanates!

She got married yesterday with the love of her life, Frank, and I just wanna say, dude, you better take good care of my girl, because if you don't, well, you know what happens... anyway, I just want her to know how happy I am for having her in my life and that, although I'm very possessive with my preciousness, I'm okay with all this marriage thing. LOL no, seriously, I wish you guys all the good things in the world and I can't wait to be your children's aunty :) and Joy, my sweet pea, I wish I was there with you, crying like a mothe'fucker and giving you back warm smiles and wise words of support. I find it magnificent and very bold to give ourselves completely to the sorrows and happiness of life, because that's what marriage is all about. Joy, I'm so proud of you :)))

CUTE, AND LAME... AT THE SAME TIME.

My little Gabriel. Baby boy clothes BONPOINT. Baby boots UGG. Stuffed animals ZARA HOME KIDS. Wooden toys BLACK WAGON. Cake pops IN THE MOOD FOR SWEETS.

Where am I? I miss my bitchiness... I'm feeling sleepy, tired, grumpy, still a bit fat, and some how I manage to be kind most of the time!!! Becoming a mother has done unspeakable things to me. And I have a reputation to uphold!

Some people, my friends, believe that is all for the best, but I have my serious doubts. When it comes to be nice to people, how nice is acceptable in order to not become lame? Lately I've been thinking how much this all motherhood experience has had a positive influence on me. Or not. I haven't got the chance to close a big deal. Yet. But I'm very concern regarding how much my toughness was affected with all this mellowness. This can be very dangerous! What about all the people I've managed to keep away through the years? I don't want them to think that it's okay to smile at me or to try to make casual conversation with me! I hate casual! And I hate people! Oh God, what have I done?? What has Gabriel done to me? Yes. This is all because of my cute son! Why does he have to be so damn cute?

I find myself doing trend sets around baby fashion... that's lame. And cute at the same time. Who would think of something like that? Not in a million years... I guess from now on, I'm gonna embrace the new me, and save some of the old me for those who deserve it. But for now, this is my trend set dedicated to my baby boy. Because not only he deserves the new me, but because he gave a meaning to my life that I had no right to expect. Je t'adore mon coeur :)

MY ANGEL GABRIEL...

Life as I know it, has changed.
This might sounds like a cliché but it's as right as it can be. Four days ago, even though little Gabriel already existed in my belly, all my priorities were different. The world itself had a completely different meaning and somethings I had taken for granted just vanished in a blink of an eye. It is truly overwhelming to have a little person in your life who is going to rely on you for a very, very long period of your and his life. Meaning: forever.

It's the "day four" as a mommy, and yesterday I already found myself saying things that I have listened my mom say my entire life, and only now I got it. I really wish all his pains come to me... the felling of making sure that nothing but nothing hurts my little son is so huge that I barely can keep it inside. Today it decided to come out in tears. Oh God! It's happening! Baby Blues has arrived in town! No comments what so ever.

As much painful and annoying it is to be pregnant, all is worthy when I'm watching him asleep. And all my "well known" cynicism was gone in the O.R. when I yelled "God save drugs" the minute little Gabriel came out, and when I asked my Doctor for a Gin Tonic while he was gluing me back :-P
The world is better now!...

GIVE ME A BREAK... OR NOT

Strapless dress with belt, Woven knot bag with leather, Strappy sandals, Cowboy hat, Necklace with shell, Necklace half moon, all BY MALENE BIRGER.

Finally. The madness is over. Well, at least part of it! Last week I've just opened my brand new store, the first and only BY MALENE BIRGER in Portugal. I couldn't be happier! The store looks absolutely gorgeous and it feels like my personal boudoir every time I go there. Marie Antoinette herself would be so so jealous if she had seen it! That's what you get for having the macarons specially invented just for you! Bitch!

Nevertheless, my entire madness is far from being over. I have exactly 8 weeks and 5 days to build a bassinet, buy a stroller and everything that comes with it, a carrier, a baby's bathtub, a nanny (oh God can we buy those?), and a bunch of baby' stuff or my little Gabriel is gonna born without the shit that all the other babies have. No no no no no. That's not a good start. So I had to find some space in my mad schedule, to take care of the important things in life... lame, I know, but I've made peace with myself and now, I'm aloud to be a regular person. Still cocky. But a mommy that no one can point a finger at! So Dippers' Land, here I go. For a while, of course. Do they accept Visa there??????

"I LIKE MY MONEY WHERE I CAN SEE IT, HANGING IN MY CLOSET"

I know I've said I would post more often, even though my life is running like a wild elephant that ran away from the town circus! But you know what? It's very very hard to keep a promise nowadays! Normally I'm one of those you can trust, but lately, with the opening of two stores at the same time, and the baby on the way, I do what I can just to make sure the "elephant", my life as I intend it, doesn't cause much damage.

I miss having time to myself, being selfish and all that, but what I miss the most is, spending money in nonsenses! My meaningful nonsenses. Oh, glory days! Going shopping, adopting lonely and caring shoes, and bags, and coats, and dresses, to the warmth of my cozy closet... Going to the flee market and rambling for hours looking for the perfect pair of 70's Balenciaga sunglasses abandoned on the floor, waiting for me to make a 10 euros deal for it, because the person who's selling it doesn't know the treasure he or she's holding :)

Yesterday I went bassinet shopping with mom in law. Bam! BYE BYE TO A PAIR OF LOUBOUTINS!!!!! Today I got the estimate for some graphic material for the new BMB store. Bam! BYE BYE TO A FENDI BAG!!!!! Why the Hell do we have to grow up and be responsible? Why????? These last few days I've been kinda feeling like Carrie when she wanted to buy her apartment and she couldn't find the money to. And then she looked at her closet... there it was. Oh boy, I do relate to that particular situation. No shame on that. Because I know, that when I die, I will be known by much more than "the old lady who had a lot of shoes" :-)
Now back to work!

IT'S TWINS!!!!

Project for the BY MALENE BIRGER store in Lisbon.

Two nights ago at dinner, my dear friend Luciano started to bitch about the fact that I've been acting very lazy when it comes to my blog. Which my response was "maybe you should start to mind your own business instead of peeking into my daily bitchiness". Of course I was kidding. I can be a bitch but NOT to my friends. Only when they deserve it :P

Anyway, but he was so right! Well, it's not that I'm being lazy, or momentarily restarted because of my pregnancy, the thing is: I'm about to give birth twice! Oh yeah. It's gonna happen! I am opening the very first BY MALENE BIRGER store in Portugal! That's right. I've been so crazy running around all the details that I have neglected my "selfish and favorite place to be" in the world: my blog! Shame on me. But it's all for a good cause. The big opening will be in the beginning of March and the project is absolutely breathtaking, thanks to a very talented architect Peter Bundgaard.

Now, I won't be promising that I'll keep you posted daily, but I promise that I'm gonna try harder and come here more often to bitch about life, business and shit, and of course, to indulge the urge that some of my friends have of snooping when it comes to my exciting life!

P.S. Luciano, I'm a sucker for you, don't be mad, please do come read me any time you want:)

I FEEL DUMBER BY THE MINUTE!

Heidi Klum, Vogue Germany June 2009

I'm not sure, but I have the feeling that "Pregnant Heidi", my role model, didn't let her hormones get their way! Oh God... What a crazy start to what seemed to be a wonderful sunny day.

I woke up to realize that I might left my key office inside my office. I wasn't the one who closed it so immediately I felt sorry for myself if my hunch was right. Which turned out to be, as soon as I checked my bag!! On top of it I knew that I also have forgotten my cell at the office. Happy days! And because my husband is so thoughtful and he knew in advance about the forgotten phone, before he left in the morning, he put his cell next to my pillow in case I needed to call him, just because I'm pregnant and something might go wrong. And it did, but not with the baby, thank God! I have "danger" written all over me!

So I've rushed into his cellphone to call his friend, who was with him, to tell him "Heeeeeeeelp" and then he will bring me his spare keys. Have I mentioned that I hate blackberries?? I do. So I get the cellphone, and it asked me for a password. Okay, breathe, I can do this. Of course I messed up! I managed to type six numbers in a space for four. Okay, one more try. Fuck! I did it again! What's wrong with me? Isn't it bad enough that I have no control what so ever in my emotions, but in my fingers?? Come on! One more try... damn it! It started to ask me things I didn't know!!! Screw this.

In an era where no one knows anymore phone numbers by heart I was kinda trapped in my own mess... I couldn't reach my husband, I couldn't reach the other partner who has a key as well, and I had a very importante meeting at 10.3o in my office. And then I remembered: I have my laptop! Let me check their Facebook accounts and see if I can find their phone numbers there. Yes! Got it! I made the phone call on my land line to my husband's friend and a completely stranger answered! "Hello, is this Frank's phone?", "No ma'am, you must have the wrong number". Come one!!!!! Is it so hard to keep your data updated!!!!! So I tried my partner. He wasn't picking up the phone. Why would he?

So I've decided to come to my office door, and see if someone is magically willing to rescue me, and plus, wait for my 10.30 appointment, because it was really important.

And now here I am, sitting in a coffee shop next to my office, where I can stare at my door, to see when my 10.30 arrives. It's 11.52. Haven't I suffered enough??????

"... A LITTLE BIT MORE POLISHED."

PROENZA SCHOULER Spring 2011 ready-to-wear collection.

Photos by Monica Feudi in Style.com

Let's talk about fashion.
The Proenza Schouler boys won my heart in their last presentation. Although by the end of the show the models went back to the old cool Proenza Schouler girls, they were ladies most of the time. Jack McCollough said backstage "We wanted it to be a little more polished", and so it was! From the beautiful embroideries, the hand-dyed silky fabrics and the clean pallet to the simple pumps (a bold reaction to the vertiginous platforms the other designers have been presenting us), everything screamed femininity. And the contrast of such lightness with the fabulous oversize arts-and-crafts-y necklaces, it blew me away completely. McCollough and Hernandez really reinvented themselves and have shown a great amount of maturity. Me likey. A lot! A sight for sore eyes in a season where disappointments were more frequent than I expected, in an era where creativity is most needed.

Of course the selection of the photos I've made had to do with my current condition... I can wear these looks with my almost huge (yet cute) belly, and keep wearing it when I'm back to my fabulous self! I know I keep convincing myself that I have to stop mention my pregnancy in every post, but you know what? What's the point of being pregnant if I can't mock about it in my own blog? The truth is, I don't talk a lot about it during my day because I'm trying to ignore it (like if it's possible) and most because, I don't want to become those women I hate who after giving birth their brain freeze and can't keep up a conversation without going to diapers' land! So yes, I will embrace it in every post, as cynical as I can be, and I will mock about it whenever I want to, because it's my pregnancy and I bitch about it if I want to!

NEW YEAR, NEW LIFE, BIG PLANS!

MY XMAS PRESENTS: Long leather gloves and Leather note book, all UTERQUE. Cinched leather Booties, GIUSEPPE ZANOTTI. MacBook Air 11 inches, APPLE.

Forgive me my absence, but it hasn't been easy. Well, to be fair I can't complain... my Personal Santa (AKA my dearest husband) gave me this Xmas, the Zanotti booties I have had been drooling to, plus the new MacBook Air 11 inches, just because I've been such a good girl! And also because this way, I can write good things about him more often, as I'm doing right now. (BTW I'm feeling the first kicks while I'm typing this post. Yay!!! That or I ate something bad.)

The part that it hasn't been easy is because I've been sick since last year. Or to be more positive since last week! And it sucks because no drugs for the pregnant lady. Gosh! And I was the one who use to loooove special treatment! But this is like being in jail, in your own body. Sad. I know. I just don't get how every single women who have been pregnant come to me, and tell me, that "this", was the most beautiful experience ever! What?? Shut up! Don't even get me started. Of course I will love my baby Gabriel, but me no loving what he's been doing to me. And to my fabulous body, of course.

Bitchiness aside, I'm super excited about this year! Many many major things are going to take place and I can't wait to see it all coming to reality. Personal projects, professional projects, and about these last ones, I am trying like a mothafucka to hold myself not to tell you guys right now all the awesome fashionable projects I have planed for 2011. It's gonna take all my blood, sweat and tears, but it's gonna be so, so worthy. And I will need that crazy rush to get rid of the extra pounds my little Gabriel is giving me. Another "beautiful" thing about pregnancy... well, at least I have my cocktails to cry on... capital FUCK! Oh no I don't. Damn it!

BACK TO NONSENSE!

ZERO+MARIA CORNEJO dress €530, GIUSEPPE ZANOTTI booties €520.

Just because this is a critical time for me, it doesn't necessarily mean that I have to loose perspective. Let's focus on presents! That's right. I'm talking about fresh-rapped-or-cute-boxes-with-silky-paper-inside-and-big-bows PRE-SENTS. Don't you tell me that you're not thinking if your wish list is going to become true! Because you are.

Family, friends, significant others, gathered around a luscious table of goodies and gastronomic sins, sharing affinities and stories, all with a very meaningful purpose: at the end, they all have the opportunity to show their love towards others through the best way I know how - giving presents:) It doesn't matter if you spent your entire paycheck on it, you still have the next year to rebound. Do not forget: it's not the thought that counts, it's the present! Anyway, this year I sent an email to my personal Santa (it's good that I'm not only stuck with a personal Grinch), and I'm a little concerned if he understands the difference between Zanotti and Weitzman. For instance, yesterday my husband took me to a concert. The minute we got to the theater, I asked him: "are we going to see Strauss???" - my husband: "yes" - me (a little bit furious): "but you said it was Schubert!" - my (confused) husband: "no I didn't" - me (already pissed off): "oh no you didn't, I know my classic music and I would never say yes to Strauss!!"... it continues on and on.
See, it's because of these little things that I'm a bit scared regarding my wish list. I like Austrian composers, and I don't care that much about German ones. I like Italian shoe designers, I'm not interested in American ones. So tomorrow night, I'm expecting a pair of Italian studs in my sock. Or to be more precise, in my beautiful feet!

P.S. dear personal Santa, if by any chance you read this post, don't get mad, it's supposed to be funny. But do not mess with my shoes anyway! :-P

THE GRINCH STOLE MY XMAS!!!

Since I was a little girl, I used to love Christmas. My family and I were a very very restricted Club: my father, my mom and my three sisters. And Christmas Eve was happily resumed to the six of us. Of course, along the years, our very important Club has given away some very thoughtful and well deserved memberships. First to my brothers in low, and then to my precious nephew. Unfortunately, some lost their memberships, but luckily we always managed to rebound it, and keep our exclusive reputation intact. Having that said, I don't need to explain to you guys how honoured I was to belong to such a Club, that only get together once a year. Okay, but I want to!

Our rituals started in the morning, when I remembered waking up to the unmistakable smell of cinnamon and lemon zest... my mom had already started to make some deserts! That was my cue to go and lick the pot of the rice pudding. And boy, I was very good at it! My sisters and I knew exactly our tasks and they were beautifully orchestrated by the different smells of cinnamon, pumpkin and chocolate along the day. My mom was the maestro and we were the symphony!
Sating up the table it meant that we were approaching the climax of our annual reunion. We always kept our rituals and traditions pretty intact, and as much as we disliked the main course - boiled cod, potatoes and kale - on that day, it tasted like a peace of Heaven. After dinner we would getter around the television pretending we were not that interested in the sound of the mid night clock. Our presents were never under the Xmas tree. Right before mid night, they would mysteriously appear, next to some other presents, as if they had always been there. And we just acknowledge their presence because of the smell of fresh raping paper! Oh sweet innocence...

But along the years there was always a threat above our special annual gathering. Somehow, something bad would happen with the intention of spoiling Xmas. It is a time, and I don't know why, in which awful things tend to happen to my family, I won't even bother to nominate them. But the truth is, we always make it through, and as much as I could hate Xmas because of that, it never got into me. But unfortunately that have changed,,,

Two Christmas ago, something really bad happened to me. Something that, for a girl like me, was capable of stilling my joy and taking away my believe in Xmas. Let's just say, I call it my personal Grinch.
I would never thought in my life, that something like that could happen to me. Not on MY Xmas! I don't know how my family handles this curse! I guess they fake joy after something like that... until they start to believe again. See, the problem is: a month before Xmas Eve, I start to feel funny, disconnected, trying to delay the Holiday. Like if that is possible! And then I get it, "oh, it's Xmas time". Damn it! That was supposed to be something great! Something only worthy of a very special Club... and here I am now, at 5 a.m., unable to sleep because I'm too afraid of having "the" nightmare. It's always the same. Over and over again. It's like those bad movies when you wake up in the same day, the same feeling. I always thought that if something really hurt me in life I would feel an excruciating pain. But it wasn't like that. It was more like a punch in the stomach: you stop breathing because there's no more air left in the world, the sound of life is mute like if all the cars and machines and people stopped moving at the same time just to stare at you, and all your life pass by through your brain like a fast train, that never cared to stop to rescue you. That's the feeling I relive every single night before Christmas... and when I'm awake, it doesn’t get better.

I miss Christmas, I miss the innocence of it, I miss the little girl with rice pudding all over her face because she did such a nice job helping her mom "baking" it. I desperately want my Christmas back. The problem is: I know where my Grinch hid it; I just don't know how I can rescue it...

"IT WASN'T LOGIC. IT WAS LOVE."

Image source PICFOR.

Three hours and twelve minutes till the big step. And it's a huge step! I would never though in my life to get at the point, where I'm no longer a single gal. Oh it's happening, from now on, I'm gonna be married. Against all odds, and everything I believed, I find myself saying "I do" to my Mr. Big.

After all said and done, love, hate, fights, reconciliations, laughs and cries, I finally resign myself to this thing, love. It's really not logic. If you think about it, there's no reason in love. I, for instant, have been engaged once, had my heart broken and I came back for more! Where's the reason here?? But this time was different... I did it my way. Everybody deserves a second chance! I know I do! So, I was the one asking him to marry me and I gave him something to close the deal :) We started to plan the wedding, bla, bla, bla and then I got pregnant. Bye bye tutu dress! So we've decided to postpone the party...

But today is our anniversary. We've met twelve years ago. Ouch! So, as crazy as we can be, we've decided to go to the City Hall and get marry today! We've got the rings, we've got the love, we've got the baby on the way, the only thing that is missing is the paper! And as much as I didn't "like" the paper before, I now feel very compelled to have one with my name and his on... lame, I know. "And in the end, Manuela Marques married David Matos Ferreira in a label-less dress" :))

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